Customers say
Customers find the book provides grounded information and helps them make healthy decisions. They describe it as a wonderful, useful, and well-organized book that makes for vivid reading. The emotional content is refreshing and helpful for emotionally abusive relationships. Readers appreciate the solid advice and practical guidance that help them become stronger. The perspective offers a balanced view of relationships and helps them see through people’s facades.
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A quick rundown of this product’s key features:
Leslie Vernick, counselor and social worker, has witnessed the devastating effects of emotional abuse. Many, including many in the church, have not addressed this form of destruction in families and relationships because it is difficult to talk about. With godly guidance and practical experience, Vernick offers an empathetic approach to recognizing an emotionally destructive relationship and addresses the symptoms and the damage with biblical tools. Readers will understand how to:
Reveal behaviors that are meant to control, punish, and hurtConfront and speak truth when the timing is rightDetermine when to keep trying, when to get outGet safe and stay safeBuild an identity in Christ
This practical and thorough resource will help countless individuals, families, and churches view abuse from God’s perspective and understand how vital it is for victims to embrace His freedom from the physical, emotional, spiritual, and generational effects of emotionally destructive relationships.
Our Top Reviews
Reviewer: Yan
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Excellent book!
Review: Excellent book to understand emotional abuse. The scripture references are very helpful to identify emotionally abusive patterns, and how to resist them.
Reviewer: Mommaw
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Excellent!
Review: I absolutely devoured this book, Leslie is full of infinite wisdom and understanding. In trying to come to grips with difficult people and crazy-people and somehow understand them in order to help my own self-concepts in a proper light. I received so much enlightenment into the spirit of what transpired in many relationships I know that have gone bad. Many mistakes were made but even if the mistakes had not happened, I see those relationships were unhealthy and never had a chance of being healthy because of the closed spirits and hearts of those involved. Either love exists or it doesn’t. If those who claim they love you are godless in their words and actions, playing vicious mind games of deception and control it becomes plain they do not possess any love. Without love, without honesty you can never have a healthy relationship, it is impossible. There is no relationship! As described in her book the following shares this very concept.Page 13Proverbs says, With their words, the godless destroy their friends, and, “Telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting then with a sharp arrow” (Proverbs 11:9; 25:18). Jesus takes the matter of verbal abuse quite seriously when he likens it to murder. (Matthew5;21) Many people suffer in relationships where offensive words and threatening gestures are the weapons of choice, used to manipulate, control, punish, and wound without leaving any physical evidence.Page 16In the last part of this book I want you to know, really know, that God sees you and deeply loves you. When we have been beaten down by the words or actions of another, we feel broken and helpless, unlovely and unloveable. How wonderful that our healing does not depend upon the love or affirmation or apology of another person. We may never get those things. But our strength and healing will come as we are able to receive and believe God’s love.I will end with this valuable message that God’s love is the best healer for all that transpires and He has given us freely that love unconditionally that we can share it with those who we genuinely love!This book is phenominal! Great teachings… A must have…
Reviewer: Susan W. Hastings
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: A GAME-CHANGER and critical tool for LIFE & COUNSELING!
Review: No counselor should be without this tool in their toolbox!! Neither should someone experiencing destructive/toxic relationships proceed through life without the clear defintions, guidance, and life-giving counsel this book offers!Leslie Vernick is a leading authority and personally-experienced voice for SEEING, STOPPING & SURVIVING downright ABUSIVE relationships! Her careful handling of the Scripture is most appreciated and was key for me, personally, to know that ending an abusive marriage would still qualify as “pleasing the Lord”. The fact that she places so much value in every person as an image-bearer of God Himself offers excellent guidance as to where the priority of certain institutions (such as marriage, or honoring parents, etc.) can fall–particularly if people are seeking help through counseling! DO NOT BE MISLED–if there is one message that comes through LOUD & CLEAR, it’s that ABUSE IS NOT A MARRIAGE PROBLEM, it is a PERSONAL SIN PROBLEM for the offending party, and THAT person is the one who needs individual counseling, appropriate boundaries put on the relationship, and defined consequences for breaking those boundaries in order to preserve the precious life God has given to the victim! LET’S STOP VICTIMIZING THE VICTIM again and again–which happens all too often in a counseling environment.Many folks in a counseling role, be it professional or friend, find themselves not only at a loss to help from a well-intentioned heart, but in a place that only adds to the harm already done, sadly!! THIS BOOK CAN PUT AN END TO COUNSELING HARM!! Dr. Vernick will give you the appropriate mindset and even questions to ask and counsel to offer, as well as a clearly-delineated path to healing. Much support can continue to be found by the many seminars, Facebook videos, and articles offered on www.leslievernick.com, but starting with THIS FOUNDATIONAL MATERIAL IS CRITICAL to saving lives, literally!!! There is even an appendix filled with helpful cautions for those who are placed in a helping role to someone experiencing an emotionally-destructive relationship. EVERY PASTOR & COUNSELOR should be reading this, since it is only a short time before you encounter someone struggling with this issue, if you aren’t already!Please do not turn a blind eye to those women and men who feel trapped, endangered, and hopeless to ever break free! And, if you are someone who qualifies for such a description, READ THIS BOOK–it will literally SAVE YOUR LIFE, as it did mine!
Reviewer: Michelle Vierra
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Changed my life
Review: I loved this book so much. Gave me hope. Very Biblical. Love love love
Reviewer: Donald M Bills
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title:
Review: The Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick is a must for every Christian counselor and pastors to have read for every woman who comes for marritial counseling. For many years the Christian church has condemned women to stay in a marriage with an abusive husband with no recourse. I was one.However, in Mrs. Vernick’s book there is an excellent Bible based explanation of things a woman can and should do to turn her marriage arround into the loving relationship that it was ment to be. She gives you step by step directions as what to do if things go wrong. She writes in a very easy to read manner where the most stressed out woman would be able to follow her Biblically endorsed instructions. I knew I had a very problematic marriage, but after I read her book I was able to make an exact diagnosis. I began to follow her steps and I have never felt so good after 28 years of an abusive marriage. She includes tests in her book as well other material and phone numbers that you can call for follow up resources.
Reviewer: Tina T-bag
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title:
Review: This book was a first step in diagnosing what had gone wrong in my life. As such it was a God-send and enabled me to take other steps of understanding through other books. It’s much needed in christian circles and stands out in terms of actually directly addressing the issues involved in this sort of relationship and what to do about it. It helped me understand the difference between isolated mistakes (which most christian books address) and situations which become abusive i.e patterns of this type of behaviour. It gave me permission to stop looking at ME as the source to saving my marriage and get real by finally focussing on the elephant in the room! It was the beginning of a process that lifted the confusion that had been part of my marriage for so many years. It was a refreshing change to most christian books that have an underlying message ‘your marriage can be saved if only you’d pray/trust/fast/submit/be more creative/learn the love languages(!) more.’ This can be damaging advice in abusive situations effectively perpetuating abusive patterns; the abused partner often doesn’t ‘get’ that they are being abused and so keeps trying/praying harder when they really need to get out and get help.My only very MINOR criticism is that, as is often the case, the prose tends to lapse ‘naturally’ into bible verses which become a substitute for more practical help when so many of us out there are dealing in practical day-to-day issues that surround this type of person and the decisions that need to be made and reviewed. Also by this stage the abused partner (if christian) can be quite anti-God since the concept of God can be often inextricably linked with all the well-intentioned but legalistic efforts/failures. Finding God again seems to happen naturally after letting go of the voices of legalism.A great book for you if you are confused about whether or not you are in this sort of relationship / for those involved in pastoral counselling of couples. I’ve already bought other copies for those involved counselling / teaching because it is often the lost dimension of couples counselling (to the wife’s detriment). To compliment to this book and to dig a little deeper into these issues i would highly recommend Lundy Bancrofts book, Why Does He Do that? (on the amazon site) which is brilliant.
Reviewer: Blue Plume
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title:
Review: Excellent book, full of wisdom and practical suggestions on how to identify a destructive relationship and then how to move through the pain and fear to resolution, and reclaim hope and meaning in life. Helpful for those who are counseling others experiencing complex relationships.
Reviewer: florence may
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title:
Review: this book is really worth reading. if you are in a relationship which you suspect might have abuse in it even though there is no physical violence then you need to get this book. it will give you a balanced view on the subject and help you to decide what action to take if any.
Reviewer: T Tompkins
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title:
Review: An excellent and comprehensive study of the subject. As well as lots of relevant scripture references a variety of male and female case studies are used. Well set out and easy to understand, relate to and use.
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