Customers say
Customers find the book provides useful insights and knowledge that help them understand themselves and others better. They find it easy to read and understand, with straightforward writing that provokes thoughtful self-reflection. Many appreciate the short chapters and pacing, which is sympathetic and relatable.
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A quick rundown of this product’s key features:
Practical, proven self-help steps show how to transform 40 common self-defeating behaviors, including procrastination, envy, obsession, anger, self-pity, compulsion, neediness, guilt, rebellion, inaction, and more.
Our Top Reviews
Reviewer: John H.
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: wonderful straight to the point advice
Review: This is a great book to have on the bookshelf. Will definitely be reading chapters of this one over again.
Reviewer: Han Qi
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Insightful Writing Easy to Understand – Very Helpful
Review: I picked up a few books on self-defeating behavior and attitudes. This one is by far the most helpful and relevant. While other books can go on and on describing wild self-defeating behaviors, this book nails the core of everyday problems in plain english. I like how clear the writing is, how well it summarizes our pitfalls – “Self-defeating behavior occurs when we fail to learn the lessons that life tries to teach us. It represents the victory of impulse over awareness, immediate gratification over lasting satisfaction, relief over resolution. Self-defeating behavior invariably begins as an attempt to make ourselves feel better. It is a coping mechanism. ” There, the author encapsulates exactly what I’ve been going through and from which I try to break free. I love that the first chapter of the book is “Chasing After Love and Approval From a Parent”. So many of our frustrations and regretful impulses stem from a longing for approval and love at home and the misunderstanding thereof. The author is a practicing psychiatrist, not just a researcher. His generalization seems grounded in years of observation and clinical experience. When he says “almost everyone I see in therapy has conflicts with a mother or a father, and these invariably affect their relationships with spouses, offsprings, colleagues and friends”, it made me look inside myself in a new way. I’m very excited over the findings he’s presented in the book. For example, I’d never relate procrastination to loneliness. I like how plain and clear the writing is, how easy it is to understand. I can relate to the sentiments described in the book well. It’s very sympathetic. “Actually, unless you are the rare son or daughter who articulates your needs clearly, your parents probably don’t even have a clue as to what you want from them. All they know is that you’re displeased – and that bewilders and saddens them.” I feel like talking to an old friend who knows exactly how I feel. It made me develop a sense of forgiveness and love towards others that didn’t seem possible before. Best of all, the book presents simple rules to follow and actions to take to improve our behaviors and attitudes. It’s a small book, 177 pages – every chapter is straight to the point.
Reviewer: Sarah Murch
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: 10 Years Later and I have finally put this book back on my radar!
Review: This was purchased during a low point in my life and I am happy to report that I still have it! I enjoy the concept of self-help books and have since shifted my focus to faith-based self-improvement books but this book is still a great read!
Reviewer: The Rebecca Review
Rating: 4.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy!
Review: “Your honesty, combined with the information and advice in each chapter, will give you the confidence and wisdom to leave self-defeating behavior behind and move forward to a more satisfying future.” ~ IntroductionMark Goulston and Philip Goldberg believe that self-defeating behavior is the real reason most people end up in psychotherapy. So reading this book might actually save you money! There are forty small chapters so reading this book is a breeze. Some of the topics include:ProcrastinatingGetting So Angry You Make Things WorseTalking When Nobody’s ListeningTaking Things Too PersonallyLetting Others Control Your LifeNot Moving On After a LossNot Asking For What You NeedMost of the chapters begin with a story of someone who is struggling to overcome a certain self-defeating behavior. Then the authors make comments about what should be done. At the end of each chapter there is a “usable insight” and a section called “Taking Action.”For instance, in the chapter on “Assuming the Hard Way is the Right Way,” the authors tell a story about someone named Paul who was suffering from constant headaches and insomnia. He was studying to be a lawyer but really had a love for coaching basketball. He thought he was doing the right thing but instead was making himself sick with stress. So the usable insight is “Sometimes the easy way out is the right way in.” The taking action section explains how you should look for ways to turn what you enjoy into a meaningful pursuit or career. Paul thought if something was too easy or enjoyable you couldn’t call it a job.So I think this book is helpful as well as practical and it addresses a few problems I haven’t seen in other self-help books.~The Rebecca Review
Reviewer: Angel
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Amazing book
Review: Very eye opening and beneficial to get rid of toxic habits
Reviewer: Newyorking
Rating: 3.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Too simple
Review: It’s a nice book, covers everything about one’s behavior and what to do to change. However, the book is too simplistic. Every chapter covers one aspect then ways to change it in bullet points. If you are reading this book clearly you feel that you can change and have a better life, and so far haven’t been able to do so and need more inspiration. A simple book really doesn’t cut it. Personal change is hard, and I need more details and more information rather than just simple bullet points. I have read a few self-help books. The simple ones use humor and focus on 1-2 messages. The more detailed ones are also focused but reiterate points throughout the book. So both types are effective. This book tries to cover everything in such a brief manner that towards the end I was just sifting through chapters, trying to finish so I could get onto something new. The book started off well but it didn’t go deep enough. I don’t recommend it.
Reviewer: Batista
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title:
Review: It is simply amazing.
Reviewer: Lee
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title:
Review: Usable insight and methods to help you in all sorts of areas you may struggle with in life, broken into short and easy to digest chapters, recommended reading for all adults
Reviewer: Prakash Joshi
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title:
Review: Great book by professional psychotherapist Dr. Mark Goulston. I believe any serious reader will learn to better understand himself and find definite solutions to one’s problematic behavior. if any reader is not going through this book in a superfluous way, he / she will definitely end up bringing positive changes in himself / herself.For myself, chapters on following self-defeating behavior were most relevant:-1. How to Beat-Self-Defeat2. Procrastinating3. Getting so angry you make things worse.4. Always having to be right.5. Taking things too personally.6. Quitting too soon.7. Backing down because you don’t feel ready.Quotes inside the section ‘Usable Insight’ of each chapter are very impressive. i find these quotes as definite guiding rules in problematic situations. These quotes leaves lasting impression on memory and effectively summarize the detail solution explained in the chapter.I want to thanks Doctor Mark Goulston to share his many years of experience as psychotherapist to the people dealing with self-understanding and self-control. I hope such people somehow find this book. This book is a perl in the ocean of amazon search results.
Reviewer: Andres
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title:
Review: Excelente libro
Reviewer: Niklas
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title:
Review: Great book. Every point is mentioned in short and precise detail. Life lessons for everybody. Read it in one day.
Price effective as of Mar 15, 2025 19:46:15 UTC
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